You consume me - Part 6

Part 6
Harsih was at his home even before he stepped out. He knew his friend a little too well and was sure that he will lose his sanity on gearing this news. As expected he was planning to meet her and àlso given a chance bash up her fiance.
"Basta**", he banged the table angrily. He was more than angry with the insensitive cheat. He couldn't control his anger thinking about the hurt caused to her. After having got such a great girl like her, he had cheated on her and betrayed her trust.

Harish tried to knock some sense into his friend's head. Many things were at stake now and one wrong move could jeopardise everything and break many hearts.
"Mere baat dhyaan se suno...tu kuch aisa waise nahi karoge....usse waqt lagega and just give her that.....Meanwhile don't forget that you have jumped hastily and given promises to another girl. ...usse bekaar mein beech mein laaya hai.....so everything needs time to sort out..."

He knew his friend was right though his heart screamed against it and the only thought which sounded right to his heart was to run to her and take her into his protective embrace. He just wanted to take her away from all those pains and hide her securely in his arms. That heart of his which was long back stolen by her wasnt bothered or scared of the world. For him she meant his world and nothing but her was his worry.

But one thing was right in his friend's words. He had to give her the time and space to sort this out. He didn't want to barge into her life and complicate it further.  He didn't want to add to her troubles.

Days were passing by slowly. He could see that she had totally given up on her fiance.....err ex fiance.
He had just one anger now. If only all this had happened a few days before, then everything would have fallen in perfect places. She would have been his by now and a stranger wouldn't have been his fiance all of a sudden. He sighed deeply remorsing and repenting his hasty step.

On the other side, she had changed herself drastically and put up a distinct mask of indifference. She acted as if everything was fine and also that she was happy. Her indifference and her facade wasn't strong enough to make him believe that she was all well and happy. He could see through the mask and see how fragile and vulnerable she was. Her torment wasn't hidden from him but he didn't hastily jump into anything.  Though he gave her comforting words at every given chance he tied down himself from her. The truth was that her trauma was beyond what he could handle and he wouldn't be able to stop himself if she leaned onto him or took refuge in his shoulder. As his friend said many things were at stake now and he couldn't ruthlessly ruin so many lives and goodwill of all his friends. Even she wouldn't want him to do that.

Anwita probably could see through the suppressed interactions and a selfish part of her didn't want to let him go at any cost. She wanted him to bound to her forever. She tried her best to pressurise on their quick wedding. She tried to influence his decisions through their common friends but then there was always a hurdle that he was too stubborn and didn't want to hurry the wedding. He openly declared that he needed time. THe possessive female in her was nervous that more the time gap, more was the riSk of losing him. What she didn't even ponder on was that she had already lost him and that his heart belonged to someone else. She could never get him all for herself now. She conveniently ignored that realization as her sole aim now was to get hitched to him as his wife.

It was their Harish and Gayu's wedding anniversary party and it was a grand affair and all were invited. She did weigh the option of not going for the party. He would be there and with him his fiance Anwita.she was yet to know why it pained to see them together.
Towards the evening she decided to go finally. She couldn't run away from all this or remain hiding forever. She just had to come in terms with this strange situation she was in. So she dressed up in a knee length frock and reached the venue just in time.
As expected he was there too and she secretly felt happy that he was alone. Anwita probably was struck in some urgent work and would join only later.

She smiled at the little devilish thought though she also cringed about the same. She was thoroughly confused about where her wierd thoughts were leading her to. It wasn't fair on her part to even think about all this.
She shrugged it off like rubbish from her mind and tried to mingle with her friends.
His eyes never left sight of her and from every corner of where he went, he kept gazing at her gorgeous self, at times stealthily and most times directly making no attempt to hide his interest. Her ravishing beauty, her fiesty curves didn't do any help to control his naughty thoughts. The dress was another turn on.

Her smiles were magical though it weren't from deepest of her heart.
In one random moment he understood that he wasn't the only guy who was ogling at her. Every man's eye in the party hall was glued to her and he felt a twitch in his heart. All he wished was to whisk her away from her to some secluded places where no eyes could reach.

He realized something was wrong when her eyes twinkled mischievously in reply to his gaze. She smiled back without a mask of indifference. What changed all of a sudden? A second's thought made him understand that she had been drinking something really hot.
Perhaps it was her friend's prank or maybe she herself mixed vodka in her drink. She was swaying her hips, so unlikely of her and marching towards the dance floor.

And to add to his woes the entire male clan were swirling arounder her. His controls snapped the moment she slipped and fell into someone's hands. Every man around her was slyly looking for chances to touch her. That's it and he forgot everything else and marched to her.
In a twirl, he pulled her away from them and into his arms.

You Consume Me - Part 5

She couldn’t sleep even though she felt completely drained out after the party. She didn’t want to accept or see the obvious reason for the sleeplessness and so she pulled out the book she had been reading. Switching on the reading lamp, she tried to read. She read and reread the same line, trying her best to focus on the book but her mind just refused to concentrate. She couldn’t move to the next line as the visions of him swaying with another girl flashed across her mind, in her eyes.

His happy face when he opened the champagne bottle and raised a toast to celebrate his engagement made her cringe for reasons unknown to her. Why was she unhappy? Why was she even thinking so much about it, about him?

In fact she should be happy that he got a perfect girl for himself, someone like her who could handle a thick headed guy like him. She had wished this for him, even on his birthday. So what changed now?

She didn’t know and perhaps never wanted to know. She hugged her pillow and tried to sleep once more. In less than a minute, she was up again and this time, she fiddled with her phone. She felt that a chat with her fiancé would pull her out of this annoying state.

She opened WA but for some reason, her fingers clicked the contacts and scrolled to his name. Without a second thought, she clicked open the chat. She tried to reason out, “Afterall we are friends and can’t they have a conversation, especially after such a special day in his life?”

She agreed to her own reasoning and started typing. It started with “Hey” and she deleted it. She then typed congrats but then concluded that she already said that to him. She was so confused on how to start and what to say to him. Words just dissolved at her finger tips or probably in her conflicting mind.

Her heart longed to call him up and say all that she felt though she wasn’t clear what those feelings were. She was committed to someone and it wasn’t a casual affair. They were engaged and were getting married very soon. Then what was this new confusion?

She typed, erased, and then again typed. She didn’t know the passing time as her mind was clogged with lots of emotions. She was sad. And she was furious too with herself.

Her message never seemed to finish or get sent to him. He waited and waited. His patience surprised him. When his impatient side took over, he typed, “Type hi karthi rahogi, huh?”

He didn’t think much before sending it off.  Shocked would be an understatement. Caught offguard, red handed would be the exact state she was in. He knew that she was trying to talk to him. He had been observing her. She had to do something and cover up but what?

“Aur kitna waqt lagega??” his message beeped again and she quickly replied without further thinking, “I just wanted to congratulate you”

He was vexed at her audacity to lie and his annoyance was evident when he typed back, “Oh really?? Well then just do it?? Congratulations ki spelling bhool gayi kya?”

Now she was flaring up too. She muttered as she stared into his message, “Khadoos akdu kaheeka”

Then she typed it out, “Nah just thinking of a right way to do it….but I guess you are in a hurry for everything!”

Afterall his marriage decision was also in such a hurried manner. She couldn’t help a smirk when she thought about it. He was irritated by the act she put up. The façade was indeed getting too much for him. Before he could say anything more, another message popped up, “So now here it is…Congratulations! She is a nice girl and will keep you happy! Good night!”

And she quickly exited the chat and went offline but not before changing her DP to a new selfie of hers and her fiancé from the party.

“That’s it,” was his last sane thought. He also saw the picture change. Their fingers entwined and faces touching each other, so close they were. He fisted his hands and clenched his jaws before he threw the phone angrily on the bed. He had this urge to pick it back and call her but then he can’t or rather he won’t. She was doing all this on purpose.

Kaise batayein, kiun tujhko chahe, yaara bataa na paaye.

Baatein dilo ki, dekho jo baaki, aankhein tujhe samjhaye.

Tu jaane na ..aaa aaa aaa ........

Tu jaane na ....aaa aaaa........ tu jaane na ............

Milke bhi, hum na mile, tum se na jaane kiun.

Milon ke, hai faasle, tum se na jaane kiun.

anjaane, hai silsile, tum se na jaane kiun.

Sapne hai, palkon tale, tum se na jaane kiunnnnnnnnnnnn

Kaise bataayein, kiun tujhko chahe, yaara bataa na paaye.

His anger possessed him and his logical calm head was lost. He too quickly changed his DP to his picture with his girl. “Yes my girl, madly deeply in love with her”. That was his new status for the world to see. No, just for her to see. A tit-for-tat antic beyond which he didn’t want to think. He didn’t bother about anything else now.

The next few days flew in a buzz. The preparation for the engagement was happening in full swing. He never tried to meet her nor talk to her. He put up a mask of happiness and bliss, making sure that his new GF/would be fiancé was around him always. He made sure that his happiness and plan of settling down with her was very evident. His tweets, his FB and Whatsapp statues were all flooded with his love proclamations for his girl.

Every new step from him was causing havoc in her world. She wasn’t able to focus on her work. Every moment with her fiancé felt like she was stepping towards a big blunder. Her fiancé too didn’t make it easy for her. He was busy in his work and wasn’t giving her enough time. Their conversations too became short and to the point which sure wasn’t a good sign.

It was a new morning, right after his grand, pompous engagement ceremony. Harish called him up early in the morning to give him the news. It was the news of her bitter break up. In a second, his world seemed to change and he seemed to have forgotten everything else, their argument, their cold war, and his engagement. 

You Consume Me - Part 4

She seemed unaffected by the announcement that his friend chirpily made. He felt everything slipping away from his hands. Till now, he had been in full control of his life but tonight, it was slithering away and he didn’t have it in him to grab it back. Her indifference attitude and the genuine smiles she threw at him after hearing the announcement of his engagement with another girl had broken him from within. She didn’t care, she never did probably. All those hints and her eyes were all deceiving him, perhaps.

A fake smile adorned his lips as he opened the champagne bottle, showing off a façade of happiness just for the sake of his dear ones. He had to force his hands to obey him as he snaked his arms around the lady beside him and compellingly brought a smile in his lips. He His eyes never left her hoping for a frown or atleast a momentary sadness on her face but the smile never left her. He saw her swaying in her boyfriend’s arms and when her eyes met his for a second, it fluttered just before she showed him a thumps up for his choice. Her lips silently moved to tell him “Congratulations”

He smiled with a silent nod and turned away completely from her. He tried to put her to the back burner and immersed himself in the moment of celebrations. All were happy for him but he wasn’t one bit happy. He was the man of the moment, the person for whom all were celebrating but ironically he was mourning inside, mourning the death of a relationship that probably never existed.

That night, he drank too much that his friend (Harish) and wife (Gayathri) had to take him home. Gayu, as he called her waited outside in the car while her husband went inside to safely deposit their friend in his room. She was confused and kept muttering, “I wonder what’s wrong with him now”

Harish tucked him into the bed scolding him continuously. But once done, he sat beside his friend and caressed his messed up hair, “Tu yeh sab kyu kar raha hai? apne aap ko kyun saza deh raha hai?”

He turned away, as if all the alcohol drained away, “What do you mean Harish? I am happy and tonight was a night of celebrations….so I drank to my fill…..”

Before he could go on, Harish snapped him, “haan haan mujhe patha hai kitna khush hai tu…..don’t expect me to believe that act of yours…..seedhe seedhe usse bathatha kyun nahi? And tell me this, why this hurry to marry some random girl?”

He exactly understood where this friend headed to. Harish knew him so well that no act could fool him.

He stood up instantly and walked to the table. Gulping a glass of water and in the process also pouring some onto his face, “jab main shaadi keliye ready hoom toh tumhe kya problem yaar?”

Harish chuckled sadly, “Because I know that this wedding isn’t going to give you happiness…..rather it’s going to leave you disappointed all through your life….none except her can keep you sane and happy!”

He angrily cut his friend, “Harish please…..stop it yaar…..I don’t want to talk more on this topic….main shaadi kar raha hoom….thats it”

“Okay” Harish shrugged but added before leaving the room, “Just a message can change everything my friend….aage tumaari marzi….good night!”

Harish left without waiting for his friend’s reply. He said with a weak grin, trying his best not to sound like a desperate, obsessive devdas, “Nothing will change Harish….Can’t you see that she is happy with someone else? I don’t stand a chance!”

Do try to listen to this as you read
[Hum Tumhe Kaise Bataye]

That night felt too long.

Harish’s words did ring in his ears and he did take out his phone thrice to message her. He scrolled down to her name and clicked. No conversations so far. It felt too weird to start a talk now all of a sudden and that too on something as sensitive as this. He was officially tagged to another girl and so was she. What would he say to her?

“Let’s chuck them both out and get together”

He laughed at his own mind’s words. He was about to close the phone when he saw something surprising. She was typing on the other side. What was she going to message? Was she also having similar thoughts?

He waited and waited. She was typing and typing…..it wasn’t ending. His anticipation grew with the time she took. “Koyi special lecture hi hoga!”

He grinned cheekily for the first time that night. Only she could bring this out of him and he realized he could wait a life time for her and could endure any lecture from her, only her….just her!

Hum tumhe kaisse bataye
Tum mein kya kya baat hai
Tumse dil mein shayari hai,
Ishq ki saugath hai

Hum tumhe kaisse bataye
Tum mein kya kya baat hai
Tumse dil mein shayari hai,
Ishq ki saugath hai

Yeh hawayen chu rahin
Hain tumko jis andaz se

Yeh hawayein chu rahin
Hain tumko jis andaz se
Yeh adaon ki ada ki ek nayi shuruaat hai
Hum tume kaise batayein
Tum mein kya kya baat hai
Tumse dil mein shayari hai,
Ishq ki saugaat hai

You Consume Me - Part 3

The mere thought that she had looked out for him made him happy and now to top it up, she was coming to him. He hoped for some private time with her. Probably that’s what they lacked so far or rather intentionally avoided till this night. Her eyes sparkled and her lips curved to a sweet smile as she came closer.

He wanted her eyes to twinkle in his love and was ready to take her into his arms when someone intruded between them and pulled her back.

He couldn’t help curse his bad luck and the intruder. “Langoor kaheeka! He just had to step between”

He must have said that a little too loudly and her fiancé turned to him, smiling, “Excuse me….kuch kaha?”

He shrugged, “nothing, was just asking for a refill” and called out to the waiter.

Her eyes suddenly shrunk and the annoyance was evident. She was annoyed for two reasons. One was obviously due to the uninvited interruption or he just hoped so. Her eyes glared at the glass he took from the waiter. He so wanted to instigate her further and so kept the glass to the side and took out a cigarette. Her eyes burned in anger and accused him silently of a broken promise. He had intentionally broken his promise to her on the last promise day. It was never to light a cigar in her presence.

She turned away her focus to her fiancé though her thoughts still revolved around him and why he had broken his promise. She kept scolding and fighting to him mentally on how he never cared about his health. She kept murmuring that he needed someone like her to throttle and bring him back to right track.

By then, his friends surrounded him and engulfed him in a hug. He was fully hidden from her eyes now. A new girl walked close to him. She knew her but had never seen her in his circle of friends. Who was she?

He dropped the unlit cigarette to the bin soon after she left his vicinity and he told to himself, “I haven’t broken my promise to you darling”

He didn’t know what was happening around him. Amidst hugs and wishes, he knew in bits and pieces of the background processes that went behind him and how his family were all happy with a marriage proposal brought by his closest friend. He had never even given it a thought and had given his usual reply, “Sochenge” when his friend mentioned the girl.  He didn’t know when it went this far and reached his family too. He mentally smacked his friend for doing this to him and that too without his knowledge. The girl was pretty and was a good choice for his family but then his heart was too far. His heart wouldn’t pace up for anyone else but her.

But how will he ever reason this out? His friends and family wanted him out of an old messed up relationship which he never was in. It was all a misunderstanding and over hyped one but then he couldn’t mention her as the reason for his rejecting proposals.

He was trapped, totally trapped in this tangling web. Friends, family, their reasons, their emotions, their love for him, all lay on one side and on the other side was his untold, unrequited and probably undying love for her.

One signal from her and he would push aside everything else but her laughs echoed in his ears, her smiling face reflected in his eyes. She was happy, very happy and peaceful in her love bubble. He shouldn’t destroy that bubble.

He could hear his friend asking him for an answer, even his phone rang with his mother’s call. Both wanted just one answer from him.

He looked to the girl on his side and shook his head, “YES”.

Next Part 

You Consume Me - Part 2

He was the fire which could burn her and she knew it. She had seen that dangerous passion in his eyes which could just consume her into itself. It was the sole reason why she never dared to get close or make a cordial friendship with him. Initially, she tried but she failed miserably to friend zone him. She had realized that such a cordial friendly relationship was never possible between them because it would never stop at that.

He was capable of barging into her life and burn everything into a pile of ash. Even when that realization dangled over her head like a sharp sword, she couldn’t deny the attraction she felt towards him. The more she repelled him, the more she was drawn like a moth to the fire. Her mind conflicted and chided her to remind that she was in a strong relationship and was committed for life but her heart did sink whenever their eyes met.  Those brief eye locking moments were getting impossible for her. She couldn’t control her wandering heart at such instances. She was scared that her heart and eyes would give away at a vulnerable instance. No she couldn’t do that. She shouldn’t betray her love even in her thoughts. She was a simple girl who grew up with morals. She was bound by them strongly and couldn’t even think about slurring from her commitment. She tried to make herself believe that she was happy and content in what she had in her hands.

Being in the same profession and in constant touch with each other added to her woes. Even a slight brush of fingers ignited a pool of sinful desires inside her. Yes sinful desires, that’s what she termed what she felt. She warned herself that it was a grave mistake and couldn’t step into it knowingly.

She couldn’t wander away from her righteous path nor could she let her heart do a sin. It was a forbidden fruit though it seemed the most desirable and temptingly sweet. She was determined to keep him and his thoughts away from her. She went on dates and parties with her fiancé and did whatever it took to keep herself tagged, anchored to the same.  She tried spending every free moment of her life with her lover and forced herself to think only about their future life together to avoid his thoughts barging into her mind.

It was the lohri party and she knew he would be there. All his best friends would be there and there was no way he wouldn’t be present. She didn’t want to go there and torture herself in his presence, away from him. She told some random reason about a prior commitment or some other party. She felt relieved that her friends didn’t insist further.

He took out the green friendship band she had gifted him, a treasure that he would cherish for life. He had removed it reluctantly when his friends had taunted and hinted about a rumored love affair between them. There was a story going on in their circle which he wanted to stop for her sake. The last he wanted was a fight between her and her langoor because of him.

He grinned as he slipped the band in his wrist and slid it beneath the full sleeves. He had made up his mind to attempt a silent plan. Without doing much or meaning any damage, he wanted to know her thoughts. He had an urge to know what was in her heart. Did she feel anything at all for him?

He was in the party venue much earlier. He saw that there were few new faces tonight, pretty faces for sure but he didn’t even have the thought to look twice because his eyes only searched for her. Where was she? She was always punctual, even in parties. So what was wrong today? Did she forget this party? Or have some other engagement? Dinner with langoor?

He cringed at the last thought. The mere imagination of her hands in another guy’s hand made him fist his hands. He punched on the side wall violently and that caught a few eyes. His friend ran up to him

“What happened bhai? Are you alright?”

He instantly calmed his nerves and gave a fake smile, “Yeah….I am fine….tu bataa….sab aagaye, huh?”

His only aim was to know when she was coming or perhaps if she was coming. His friend didn’t have a hint to what his heart beats ached for. He shrugged and replied, “haan….sab hai…..come lets start bhai….I have someone important to introduce to you”

His hands inched to hit his friend’s head and say that the most important person, the most awaited one hasn’t arrived yet.  He suppressed his real thoughts and smiled instead, “Haan chalo”

Though he obliged, he was least interested in anyone else but her.

They were half into the party and he had almost concluded that she wouldn't come when she entered, hand in hand with her fiancé. His half lit smile faded as his eyes accusingly barged into hers. He knew that she hadn’t done any mistake or rather she was always right but his crazy heart couldn’t control its rage which was a result of his disappointment to see them together. Why had she tagged the langoor along?

He walked to a dark secluded corner, away from his over enthusiastic friends. None would notice or disturb him there. His eyes kept darting to the spot where she was. She was busy chatting away with friends and much to his relief, her fiancé wasn’t with her. He looked at her intently without a blink.

As if a cue struck her, perhaps the power of his gaze was such that she turned around to see its source. He was amused by the way she was searching all around. His crazy heart wished that it was for him while his mind chided that it would be for her fiancé. His heart beamed its victory when her eyes stopped all its antics when it met his. Even from the unnoticed dark corner, she had found him, she had felt his soulful presence.

He kept wishing for miracles to happen tonight. He wished she came to him, into his arms putting everything else to rest. He ardently wished and prayed that for once she leaves behind the world just for him, for her, for them. He didn’t know if his wish was proper at all. But tonight, he wished that both forgot what was proper, and what was not.

Next part

You Consume Me - Part 1

It was the 5^th time in a row that she averted her eyes from his direction and he was so annoyed about it. Not that they shared passionate eye locks often but then he couldn’t deny that those tiny moments of gazing into each other’s eyes did have its soothingly positive effect on him. And today, that peace was robbed off him. Was she purposefully avoiding him? Was it langoor’s effect on her that kept her away from him? He chided himself for that tacky thought because he knew that she loved that longtime lover of hers. Lucky chap! What else could he say? If only they had met….

He forcefully ceased his thoughts to a standstill and shut out his dangerously overpowering emotions. Even then, he couldn’t help but wish that they had met earlier, just a before the day she fell in love with that guy. Just a day free from her love would have been enough to make her fall for him. It would have changed their entire world.

He cut his thoughts short and tried to focus on his phone. His friends gang was chatting on full swing and were constantly enquiring about why he was so silent in the group. It was unlikely of him to stay quiet. So he tried to indulge in their funny conversation and chat something randomly, just to take his mind off her.

But it wasn’t easy. It never was. His thoughts betrayed him again and he was back to thinking about her.

She looked so beautiful, graceful in the green saree. Nothing new! He smiled to himself shyly wondering if he ever found her less than beautiful. He was the daring type and never hid his mind or munched back his thoughts but why was it so difficult to let his real thoughts known to her. Why did it seem next to impossible to tell her what she meant to him and what his true feelings were? Yes, he knew the answer too. The reason also her, her happy world. He couldn’t let that crash down or let anything happen to that bubble she cherished. He would never want to be the reason for that. So every time he took one step towards her, he backed off five steps away from her silently. All their so called ego clashes and petty fights were his meagre attempts in doing that. 

But every time he saw her or felt her a breath away from him, his heart skipped a beat embossing in him the truth that never could he stop loving or adoring her. Never could he even stop thinking about her.

There was a buzz in their neighborhood that she and Subbu were getting married very soon, probably by the end of the year. Even in his disappointment, in sheer despair and agony of losing her even without trying once, he did feel happy for her and wished that she gets her happily ever after life, just like a fairy tale. He never believed in fairy tales but she did and for her, he too tried to believe in one.

And for her sake, he had to do something drastic very soon. He had to back away from her life once and for all because he knew that without that lock, he could end up hurting and crumbling her blissful life. Whenever he saw her in another man’s arms, he had this ruthless urge to pluck her away from there. The naïve truth was that he didn’t trust himself in his decision to stay out.

The next day was lohri and there was a party organized by his friend. His entire friends circle would be there. He wondered if she would be there too. One part of him wished her presence while the other…..Well, even a tiny part of that wished her to be there.

With those thoughts in his mind, he drifted to his sleep.

He had no idea what the next day held for him. It was a turning point, a totally sudden twist in the tale or perhaps something which was going to change everything.  

Next part