Beyond Just Love (Chapter 1-5)

Chapter1:  tum miley...

He took one more long moment to have a second look at the lying form…..

He wasn't yet convinced....."Was it really her?? par yahaan?? Kaise?"

He was on a conference to Delhi and was invited all of a sudden to preside over for an annual function at a home for physically disabled and mentally challenged people….

After the function, he just walked around the wards trying to take in a glimpse of the life there…..something which would remind us that we are so much fortunate to have such wonderful lives….

And Arjun wasn't feeling any different…yes he had lost his love forever cruelly, brutally…..but yet, he couldn’t help sympathize with the people here…..Wasn’t his life 100 times better than the people here?

Yes, it sure was…..for people who complain about petty silly problems in life, a visit to such a place was a must….He thought to himself and walked on....thats when his eyes fell on her…

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Sakshi Anand, the ever smiling bubbly, full of life, chirpy girl whom he knew from the time she joined ETF wasn’t anywhere seen…..what remained there was a totally immobile body with a stern serious face..Helplessness and misery filling it up……no trace of a smile anywhere on it….

Her eyes were wide open…it looked as if the eyelids refused to shut…...those eyes seemed to be searching around for someone constantly…..perhaps a hope to see someone familiar….someone who cares for her…..

When her eyes failed to see anyone, it sported a disappointed look…..A lone tear appearing at the end of her almost dead eyes…..The eyes which always sparkled and twinkled with joy and mischief lacked that glow and glint today…..

He felt a poke in his heart seeing that sight…..somewhere deep down, he had an urge to go to her and comfort her, console her saying that he was there for her……

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Past:

“I love you Arjun……iss jung mein main tumaare saat rehna chahthi hoom……”

That was the last thing she had spoke to him just before their final mission to nail Sikandar……

He had ignored her and her words as always and walked away……never once did he acknowledge her presence around him and his life…..

But she had lived true to her words….she gave him all the support in that mission and helped him avenge Roshni’s death……

**************************************

He didn’t know the reason but Arjun moved away from the door to her room when she tried to look in that direction…….He just glanced one last time at her through the window and walked out of the place…..

But those eyes, that look, her state never walked out of his mind…..it just clogged in his heart…….

Back in the hotel room, he tried his best to forget that and sleep.....

But sleep evaded him.......he paced up and down the balcony and then dialed a number….

”Rathod, I saw her today…”

[To be continued]

Chapter2: sab tham sa gaye.....

He didn’t know the reason but Arjun moved away from the door to her room when she tried to look in that direction…….He just glanced one last time at her through the window and walked out of the place…..

But those eyes, that look, her state never walked out of his mind…..it just clogged in his heart…….

Back in the hotel room, he tried his best to forget that and sleep.....

But sleep evaded him.......he paced up and down the balcony and then dialed a number….

”Rathod, I saw her today…”

***************************************

It was almost 2 years since Sakshi left ETF all of a sudden…..

Just after their successful mission of hunting down Sikandar and finally killing him without leaving his fate to be changed or decided by the loopholes in the law……

It was all over and the entire ETF was in a celebrations mood except for the hot cop….

He had piled in all the bullets into Sikandar’s body and vented out all his pain and anger….all the agony he had stocked up within himself, the tears, the sorrows, all those emotions which always suffocated him was drained out that very instant…..He cried out all that bottled up pain for the first time in so many years……

What remained was just a vacuum of sorts….a plain emptiness……as if he had nothing else to do in life…..

*************************

The team insisted on a small party….

Though he wasn’t interested, he obliged to the team’s wishes and dropped in for the get together…..But he stood far apart from the team…all alone as always…..he preferred his loneliness…..he had started loving it by now……Allowing anyone to trespass it wasn’t acceptable to him…..

He was content seeing his team happy from a distance……he could see Rathod smile as he stood with his lady love….yes they were a couple and had announced their engagement in the same party…..It was a celebration of so many things…..And Arjun was happy seeing their happiness….

His promise to himself to avenge Roshni’s death was fulfilled now….and his best friend had finally found his soul mate in Aisha…..

“Best friend” that pricked…..yes they were best friends once…..but now? It was a distant reality…..well things were sure getting better and their relationship was far from what it was when he first joined ETF but still there was a distance, a gap which perhaps can never get filled!

He glanced across the entire party area…..Shree, Chotu and Liza were in their own world of enjoyment……saat saat phir bhi apne hi dunn mein mast!

That left just one missing….yeah, she was missing……..Arjun wasn’t missing her but still, he thought to himself, “harr masti mazaag mein pehli number pe kadhi hoti hai…..par aaj ab tak nahi aayi…”

But he didn’t ask about it to anyone…..Why should he bother?

Towards the end of the party,  during the dinner time, he heard Aisha and Shree talking about her…..he didn’t want to eavesdrop on their conversation but still it fell into his ears that Sakshi was out of town for a few days…..

He wondered what was so urgent that she went without even telling any of them…..She had just called up Rathod and informed about her absence!

That was the last of what they heard of her……a few days later, her resignation reached ETF through the commissioner himself…..and she was relieved off all her duties just through papers officially….She never came back or called back once!

Aisha had tried contacting her for knowing the reason for such a drastic sudden decision…..but never once could she speak to Sakshi…..

It was quite evident that she avoided the team…..well she would have her reasons….too personal  perhaps to share with any of them…..

Assuming their own reasons for her sudden disappearance from the team, they moved on but she sure had left a void in ETF……

The whiff of fresh air, the tornado effect she had on Arjun at times, the smiles she brought on their faces at times of complicated clueless cases by cracking silly jokes just to lighten their moods so that they could think and work better ….all of that went missing along with her….

When she used to crack such untimely silly crazy jokes, she always earned angry glares from the ever hot headed cop but then, when she wasn’t there, did he miss all of that? Well his mind was unreadable and his angry looks and those intense eyes always left people clueless…..

None could read him….none could see through him…..As he always said, only he himself could stop him…there was another truth….only he could understand and know what ran in his own mind!

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Both Rathod and Arjun snapped out of the trip back into the memory…..and came back to the present….

Sameer: [pretending that he didn’t understand about whom he was talking] kaun Rawte?  Kiske baare mein baat kar rahe ho?

Arjun quickly briefed him about what he saw today…..Sameer was shocked beyond words hearing about her……but then he gathered himself up and responded….

Sameer: tumhe uske paas jaana chahiye tha…[after a moment’s silence, he added]…agar ho sakhe toh kal jaakhe patha lagaana…..you know, I cant move out from Mumbai now…

Arjun nodded, “hmm….I know….ab Aisha kaisi hai?”

Sameer: she is doing fine….doctor ne dho hafte ka bed rest kahaa hai…..

Arjun: tum usska khayaal rakhna…main Sakshi se kal hi milunga….dont worry!

Sameer: ok….

*********************

Sameer cut the call and came into the room silently without disturbing Aisha who appeared to be in deep sleep……

He placed the phone on the side table and lay back in the bed when he felt a pat on his hand, ”kya hua Sameer?? kiska phone tha?

Sameer turned to her side….”kuch khaas nahi….tum so jaao…”

Aisha: [switching on the lights] nahi…kuch toh hai….jab tak aap nahi bathaayenge, I cant sleep peacefully!

Sameer knew that she was stubborn….and the pregnancy was making her all the more stubborn and cranky….”Rawte ka phone tha…ussne Sakshi ko Delhi mein dekha….”

Aisha got up suddenly all excited but then Sameer also jerked up and held her protectively, “sambaalke Aisha….see that’s why I wasn’t keen on telling it to you….”

But then Aisha shrugged and asked him for details…Sameer told her what Arjun said and she looked gloomy hearing Sakshi’s state and Arjun’s insensitive act of not meeting her instantly…

Sameer sensed her mind and replied, “tum tension matth lo…..Rawte usse kal hi milega aur saare details patha karega…ok?”

Aisha nodded and Sameer carefully tucked her back to the bed and switched off the lights……

Aisha and Sameer got married a year back and now were expecting their baby which was due in 8 months time…..

A week back, during a case investigation, Aisha had felt uneasy and her doctor had stated that it was because of hypertension, essentially due to the work pressure and asked her to take complete rest…..

So she is on a break for 2 weeks and resting at home!

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Next morning, Arjun went back…..he had to….else he would never ever get a peaceful sleep….

He had already postponed his flight tickets to the next day and headed straight to the home….

On enquiry, he finds that Sakshi was admitted there about a year back by her brother as they he to go on an onsite project to US and there was no one else to take care of her…..

She was paralyzed on one side…..her speech wasn’t yet clear but there was a hope of recovery as it was becoming audible now compared to complete silence previously….

Arjun listens on with a heavy heart about her state and the medical facts related to her….. Even the matron there didn’t know much detail as she was new there but she said that Sakshi was in this state after a freaky accident!

Arjun didn’t know whom to blame or smack for this state of hers……He gathered up and walked to her room….

As he entered the room, he saw her trying to turn to a side and it was to the edge of the bed and she would fall any moment…..he rushed to her side and caught her right on time……

Making her lie back properly on the bed, he looked into her pale face….she looked weak and had a desperate look….

She looked at him stunned…..their eyes locked for just a brief second……yes, there was a faint smile on her face but it wasn’t clear as it hid itself in her pain ridden face…..

Tum Mile Toh Lamhein Tham Gaye
Tum Mile Toh Saare Gum Gaye
Tum Mile Toh Muskhurana Aa Gaya

Yes he would have smiled any other day but today, at this moment, he couldn’t smile seeing her like this…..

Smiles weren’t so easy…..it ceased even before it came up!

She felt embarrassed at her own state…perhaps, she never wanted anyone, especially him seeing her like this…..She instantly turned away from him……..she didn’t dare to meet his gaze…..

“Sakshi….”

He called her after a long moment of silence…..her name never sounded so lovely from him before…..and it was the first time that his voice radiated so much concern, care and affection……

Every other time he had called her before this, it was a sort of irritation that reflected in his voice…..She couldn’t help remember those times…..once when she had joked about the car used for a killing……and he had shut her up by a sharp irritated call “SAKSHI”

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He took a chair close to her bed……He silently waited for her to return to normal from the shock she would have got due to his unannounced and sudden entry…….

After a few minutes, he patted her hand and called again “Sakshi, yeh sab…..kaise hua??”

She couldn’t ignore him and his questions for long…..she didn’t turn to his side but just spoke up in a stammering broken voice which lacked clarity but he could understand what she meant…”aaaappp……yahhaa….k”

He replied, “yahaan ke annual function pe aaya tha…aur kal yahaan se guzar raha tha ke tum…”

He stopped explaining seeing her nod…..She now understood why she felt his presence the previous day……she realized why her eyes were constantly searching all over for him yesterday…….perhaps her heart, her mind, her half dead body had sensed him somewhere close to her…..

They sat in silence for a while……he saw her trying to shift her position……He stood up and tried to help her turn around…..She slowly looked at the table and gestured him to take the pain relief spray kept there…..

As he took it, the nurse came in saying…..”phir se dard hai kya?”

Arjun looked at the nurse while she looked at the new comer and smiled….”aap innke relative hai?”

Arjun didn’t reply when the nurse explained, “pehle kabhi koyi nahi aaya na? isiliye poocha….harr  maheena bill ka amount aa jaatha hai……par dekhne koyi nahi aatha…”

He couldn’t take more of such painful talks about her…..he sighed angrily and passed the spray to Sakshi….

The nurse spoke, “ek hi position pe leiti hai na? isiliye peet mein dard hota hai….par kya kar sakthe hai…..iss spray se hi kaam chalaana padega…..”

The nurse gestured him to go out for a while as she had to give her a sponge bath and also apply the spray…

Arjun walked out while the nurse closed the door and continued her routine task….

As Arjun stood in the corridor, his mind drifted back……the spray had brought back a very funny memory…..but yes, he was quite angry at that time….but looking back, he couldn’t help laugh at the craziness she had done…..

<<He had saved her from an arrow which could have pierced her neck if he delayed a second more……

In the process, she fell into his arms…..

But his focus was more on the arrow and the direction from which it came…..and he just let go off her….She fell down as she was not able to balance herself when he left her suddenly….

The case was solved and all reached back ETF late in the night……

This crazy girl had marched straight into his cabin with a pain relief spray and asked him to massage her back as he had caused her the back pain….

She stubbornly demanded, “Arjun……aap uttiye aur mujhe yeh spray lagaane mein help kijiye….”

Arjun raised his eyebrows and glared at her for her strange weird demand…>>

[To be continued]

Chapter3: woh lamhe bas yaadon mein.....

The case was solved and all reached back ETF late in the night……

This crazy girl had marched straight into his cabin with a pain relief spray and asked him to massage her back as he had caused her the back pain….

She stubbornly demanded, “Arjun……aap uttiye aur mujhe yeh spray lagaane mein help kijiye….”

Arjun raised his eyebrows and glared at her for her strange weird demand…>>

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<<Did he hear it right, was that really her demand or request or whatever it was??? 

He took a longer moment and thought once more and then responded “kya????” because he couldn’t believe that the girl could be so crazy and place such a demand before him! HIM! ARJUN SURYAKANTH RAWTE….”Was she mad?”

Sakshi: aapne sunaa nahi??? Mujhe yeh lagaane mein aapki help chahiye Arjun [holding out the spray to him and gesturing him to take it and apply on her]

Arjun: [glaring at her] mere paas aise faaltu bhakwas keliye time nahi hai….jaao yahaan se…

Sakshi: [moving to his side and swiftly grabbing his upper arm urging him to get up and in a pleading tone] bhakwaas nahi Arjun….I am dead serious…..[her other hand holding her back and showing off that she is in immense pain] mera peet bohat dard kar raha hai aur office mein baaki sab nikhal chukhe hai…..ab tum hi ho jo mere help kar sakthe ho…

Arjun shrugs off her hand and furiously shoots back, “SAKSHIIII……paagal toh tum teh hi ab besharmi ki haddhe bhi paar kar rahi ho……yeh saare harkatein  mujhse dobaara karne ki khoshish bhi matth karna…..GET OUT RIGHT NOW!”

Sakshi was stubborn too and stood her stand…..She stamped the ground and shook her head in disagreement “toh aap aise nahi maanenge..”

She went and lay down on the chaise longue and replied, “nahi jaavungi…..waise bhi iss mein besharmi ki baat kahaan se aagayi…..maine ek help hi toh maanga…..woh bhi mere hi team ke member se…..[and then acting as if she just realized what he meant by that, she adds] ohhhh like that haan? Don’t worry…..mujhe aap par poora vishwas hai Arjun….i know ke aap aise galath nazar se mujhe nahi dekhoge….[fluttering her eyelids innocently] I trust you!

Arjun’s glares and fumes were enough to burn her down any moment but she pretends to not see any of those and chooses to ignore it all…..

She mutters slowly, “aur dekho na, mere paas cabin nahi hai aur aise couch bhi nahi…..so yahaan bohat aaraam se leit sakthi hoom….right?”

She squints her eyes and tries to find out what he is doing or what his reaction is……..She sees him getting up from his chair angrily…..She closes her eyes shut and turns around and lies with her face down as if facilitating him to apply the medicine on her back….>>

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Meanwhile, Sakshi is also reminded of the same instance while the nurse is giving her a sponge bath……..

<<Even after 2 minutes, she doesn’t feel him near her…..so she quickly opens her eyes and looks around….He wasn’t anywhere around and she grins to herself….”filhaal bacch gaye……kab tak bachoge Arjun ji?”

He had walked into the conference room and spent the rest of the night there wondering about what the girl was upto….and why the hell was she behind him like this??….well he had his already found the answers to it but never wished to acknowledge it or respond to it……

Next morning, Aisha had walked into the conference room and was surprised to see him there so early…

Aisha: sir, aap yahaan?? Itne subah? Is everything alright?

Arjun: [getting up instantly] haan woh Sakshi….

Aisha: Sakshi????

Arjun  chose to give a silent reply and walked out from there angrily giving her a “To hell with your Sakshi!” look

Aisha had directly walked into his room to find out what was wrong there…….

Finding Sakshi sleeping there, she rushes to her and enquires, “ab issne kaunsa naya drama kiya?? Aur Arjun sir itne ghusse mein?”

She shook Sakshi and woke her up……”Sakshi, tum yahaan kyun so rahi ho??? Utto….”

Sakshi mumbled in her sleep “Arjun, pls lagaa dho na…..mujhe bohat dard ho raha hai”

Aisha is confused and then woke her up with a strong pat……

Sakshi sat up straight instantly and smiled at Aisha….forgetting all other things and the situation, she voices sleepily, “good morning Aisha….kal ka dinner kaisa tha?”

Aisha: [staring at her] tum baat ko ghumaavo matth…..pehle yeh bolo tum yahaan kaise?

Sakshi told her everything and Aisha couldn’t help laughing at her crazy antics…..

Aisha: [in between her laughs] tum apni inn paagal harkathon se baahar nahi aavogi na?? Arjun sir ke samjhi ya samjhaavum ke itne sessions hogaye phir bhi…..haan?”

Sakshi could only smile at Aisha’s comment….>>>

***********

“tumne abi smile hi kiya na?? lagtha hai koyi khaas hai woh, hai na??? tumaare chehre pe smile jo laaya”

The nurse’s naughty question snapped her out of her tour to the past……

She turned to the nurse and smiled once more but that wasn’t a genuine one….perhaps the face of her present reality struck her again and she was back to the place from where she had trudged to the past!

She couldn’t help wondering the effect he had on her even now……perhaps that’s the power of first love!

“haan pehla pyar par aadha adhoora……aur shaayad ab kabhi……..kabhi poora nahi hoga!” she sadly thought to herself!

The nurse finished off the last task of giving her the morning medicines and was about to leave when Sakshi gestured her to come closer…….”ek…..min…”

The nurse smiled and came to her when she voiced out gently stammering and in broken abrupt sentences, “mujhe….apna….[she pointed to her face and the nurse could read the unpronounced words from her lip movement…….she had got used to Sakshi’s way of conveying things by now……

The nurse was well aware of her silent language as well!]

The nurse smiled and replied, “mere paas ek chota waala hai…. abi laathi hoom…..”

She left after patting Sakshi’s cheeks gently, lovingly……

*************************

Annie, the only nurse there in the home who was so close to Sakshi and had been more like a sister, a friend to her……she was extremely hardworking and sincere to the job……..She always handled Sakshi with utmost care and concern…..She could understand Sakshi in and out now…….

Initially it was sympathy for a girl in this sad state which emotionally attached Annie to her but then it grew beyond that sympathy and there was a rare bonding that was built up gradually…..

She was the only companion for Sakshi there…….Annie’s off days were literally a painful time for Sakshi…..Somehow, she didn’t enjoy any other nurse doing all this for her but she knew it was inevitable and could never voice it out as well

Annie stepped out of the room and looked for Arjun but he wasn’t there anywhere….

She sighed and then went to her room….

In 5 minutes, she came back to Sakshi with what Sakshi wanted and showed it to her….

”ab dekh lo chehra….maine acche se powder lagaaya hai na?”

Annie remarked to her playfully…..Sakshi held the mirror close to her and saw her face for the first time after so many months…..yes, she had never seen it or voiced a desire to see her face after coming to this place……..the reason was simple….she couldn’t look at it the way she used to before……there was a time when she used to see herself in the mirror atleast 10 times before leaving home…..just to check if her face was looking good, whether her earrings were right and matching her dress and style….whether her hair style looked nice……whether her kajal had smudged……her footwear, her other accessories including her bag…..and most important was her bangles….she used to shake her hands and look at the mirror to see if those bangles chimed and looked the way she wanted it to………..Subconsciously she shook her bare hands today but there was no chime today……Empty hands never chime…..yes her life and her hands were empty today…..with nothing in them…..and nothing to look forward to…..

Self pity always overtook and tears never ceased whenever she saw her face….Her life less face was a real proof to her slowly diminishing self…..dullness, gloominess, pains, sorrows….all of that were total strangers, aliens to her once…..but now, those were her companions for life….

Her confident self and smartness had all vanished from her……her face reflected to her the true state she was in today and always made her shed tears over the painful reality!

But today, seeing him there, she felt like seeing her face once………she didn’t know why she desired that….maybe she wanted to confirm for herself that she looked presentable…but why?….Impress him??? [she smiled pitying her thoughts]What was she hoping for?

“Hope”, was it a word in her dictionary anymore?  No, there was no place for such a word in her life!

She gave back the mirror to Annie….and gestured her to take it away from her….

Annie knew it…..she knew that this would be her reaction……She caressed Sakshi’s hair gently and consolingly before walking out…..

Now, she saw Arjun standing before the room…..He had a packet, probably some fruits and fresh juice…….She looked to his direction and voiced out, “ab aap andhar jaa sakthe hai…. “

Arjun turned around and nodded….then he walked towards the room…..

Before he entered, Annie told him, “plz, yahaan se jaane se pehle mujhse miliye….I want to speak to you”

He nodded as he felt that it was something very important and related to Sakshi…..he could judge that from her voice and then stepped into the room……

Once inside the room, he went straight to her and holding the juice to her “juice peelo”

She shook her head in negation, “nahii”

He didn’t force her…..he placed it on the side table near her bed……

He sat on the chair……both were silent for a long time……there was a time when all he wished for was her silence……He could do anything to shut up her nonsense but today her silence was killing him……

He decided to break the silence....perhaps, taking more of it was unbearable for him, he voiced out “Sakshi…”

She turned instantly to him while he added “main kal subah waapas jaa raha hoom…..agar tumhe kuch ch…”

She heard till that point and shook her head again negatively meaning “nahi mujhe kuch nahi chahiye Arjun”

Perhaps now he too had learnt to understand and read her thoughts from her gestures…..

She looked at him expecting to hear something from him…..she wished to know about all the others…..all her friends…about the ETF team which had gifted her the best memorable moments of her life……which had gifted her the feeling of falling in love….which had given her a chance to know Him!

[To be continued]

Chapter 4: yun tera muskuraana.... 

She turned instantly to him while he added “main kal subah waapas jaa raha hoom…..agar tumhe kuch ch…”

She heard till that point and shook her head again negatively meaning “nahi mujhe kuch nahi chahiye Arjun”

Perhaps now he too had learnt to understand and read her thoughts from her gestures…..

She looked at him expecting to hear something from him…..she wished to know about all the others…..all her friends…about the ETF team which had gifted her the best memorable moments of her life……which had gifted her the feeling of falling in love….which had given her a chance to know Him!

************************************

Arjun could read from her lips that she wished to know about the team….

He spoke up to make her happy, “sab teek hai……harr baat mein tumhe yaad karthe hai”

She knew that all would have missed her like hell but what she longed to know was if he missed her! Did she cross his mind atleast once?

He remembered that she always enjoyed being pampered and complimented…..Though he was a man of few words and praises never came out of his mouth so easily, she always used to force him to do that but when he refuse to budge as always, she would bestow upon herself a self praise…..

He remembered the instance when she had forcefully made him hand shake with her and complimented herself for a brain wave she got which she considered to be a brilliant idea…..Today, he couldn’t help chuckle at her childish antics when he thought about that!

He voiced out, “ETF mein ab sab tumaare ‘fun on the run’ style of working follow karne lage hai Sakshi……”

Hearing that, she looked at him to check if there was a tone of sarcasm added to that…….yeah, a slight sarcasm was there indeed…..ACP Rawte without sarcasm….nahi aisa nahi ho saktha…..

Sarcasm was like his crown which he never took away from his head even when he rested!…..

He detested that fun on the work culture even now….But that was no surprise for her…”akdu hai toh akdu hi rahenge na? aur phir main bhi nahi thi na wahaan unne non akdu banaane keliye??” she thought to herself!

That also made her remember one of his samjhe ya samjhaavum lecture when he had sarcastically given her his piece of mind ”dead body ko dekh kar bhi smile karlo….koyi silly joke bhi sunaavo…..shaayad sunnke usske jaan waapas aa jaaye, right Miss Sakshi Anand?”

She had smiled heartily at that point and told him, ”Not bad! Ab tum bhi khaafi accha mazaag kar lethe ho Arjun! Shaayad meri sangath ka asar hai….”

She smiled even now ……both looked at each other at the same instant……with the faintest of smiles fixed on their faces…..The smiles ceased that same instant…..

But then again, a smile cropped up in her face thinking about the fun time she used to have at ETF with the team…He noticed her smile and guessed that she may feel good if she talked with them.…. “tum unn sab se baat karogi???”

She nodded but at the same time she felt a guilty prick in her heart…..After all, she had betrayed all their friendships na? She had distanced away from all of them without even a word of farewell!

But she had her reasons as well……it might sound silly to the others but to her heart, it wasn’t so silly……

It was a decision that her broken heart took after so much thinking……It was more than just a reason to walk away from all their lives, from the place which would always remind her of him and her love for him……

 She couldn’t stay back in the team right before the man she loved after realizing that he would never acknowledge her love or love her back the way she hoped for…..Having confessed her true feelings to him, she couldn’t face him daily and try to treat him as just a team member or may be not even as a friend…

She felt that distance would make her feel better…..and yes, a tiny ray of hope prevailed in her heart, she felt that the distance she was creating could make his heart fonder for her…….She hoped or rather wished that he would miss her in her absence……and would realize that she wasn’t just a nuisance afterall…..or a nonstop chatterbox who couldn’t speak anything other than nonsense….

But she didn’t know the distance she was creating and her life in Delhi would make her face such twists and turns in her life and take her away from ETF and especially Arjun forever…..She hadn’t wished for that but it happened……She hadn’t planned for this but it happened….and she had none to blame other than her own destiny!

Well, did he miss her?? May be, may be not…..He wasn’t the type who would let out his real thoughts in front of anyone…..his face, his mind, his heart was always deeper and mysterious than the deepest oceans!

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He didn’t wait for her response because what she wished for was reflecting in her twinkling eyes……the twinkle had appeared for the first time after he had met her today…..but little did he know what the real reason for that twinkle was……..

It was him and his presence, his concern, his talk that was bringing that twinkle of joy in her eyes, but yes, it was oblivious to her as well!  He was the magical key which brought back the locked up happiness, the enchanting light which showered into her otherwise dark life…..

Moreover, love had its ways, how much ever hidden and buried deep in a dark corner, it would ultimately find its way out…..

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[My note: ETF team knows about Sakshi now…….Arjun had informed Sameer about her state and he in turn had briefed them about it…..though Aisha hasn’t known the real state of her yet…..Sameer decides to keep her out of this as he knows that it would worry Aisha…and that wasn’t good for her health now!]

Arjun quickly dialed Shree’s number…”hello Shree…haan main Sakshi ke saat hoom…..usse tum sab se baat karni hai…loud speaker pe dhaalo aur wahaan sab ko bhulaavo”

There was a loud cheer and sounds of excitement from the other side as Shree called out “CHOTU…..LIZA…..aa jaao……phone pe Sakshi hai….jaldi aavo”

He grinned at their excitement and held the phone near her ears pushing away the stray locks of her hair from her ear….

His fingers tickled and teased her……she wondered how her half dead body was responding to the faintest of his touches……it seemed like the half dead was becoming half alive at his slightest touch……

He could feel her body tremble to his touch and pulled back his hands instantly……

Instead he switched on the loud speaker…….”lo baat karlo….”

She slowly managed to mutter, “helllllo……Sshreee…”

Shree stopped in his tracks hearing her feeble voice and he could feel that she wasn’t the Sakshi he knew…….

Shree replied, “Sakshi….kya hua hai tumhe??? Maine sunaa ke…..but I don’t believe it yaar….tum aise kaise…..”

As Shree started that talk, Arjun took the phone away from Sakshi and moved away a bit from her and spoke to him,

“Shree, main jaantha hoom ke tum sab Sakshi keliye bohat pareshan ho but yaad rakhna usse sympathy ya pity ke zaroorat nahi…..hosle ki zaroorat hai……usse rulaana nahi…..hasaana hai! Isiliye aise baat karo jaise kuch hua hi nahi hai…..bas casual baatein karo...masti mazaag karo….ok?”

Shree nodded, “hmmm you are right sir”

The others had heard Arjun’s instruction as well and they nodded to each other in agreement…..

Arjun went back to Sakshi and kept the phone near her to enable her to speak as much as possible…..

Sakshi stammered and spoke up again, “helllooo”

Liza spoke up now, “Hey Sakshi…[Liza scratched her forehead not knowing what to talk..she was over excited and wasn’t able to speak]..oh god, bohat saare baatein karni hai aur main confused hoom ke kahaan se shuru karum?”

Shree snapped her and spoke, “tum wahaan beitke apna confusion solve karo….hum baat karlenge…”

Liza tried to snatch the phone from him screaming angrily…”SPECKY….phone mujhe dho……I will speak first”

Sakshi  couldn’t control her laugh thinking, “ab bhi yeh dono waise hi hai……baat baat pe ladaayi!”

Arjun understood what she was thinking and what made her laugh and responded, ”haan….inne chup karaana hi Rathod ka main kaam hai!”

On the other side, Chotu conveniently snatched the phone from the duo and spoke, “tum dono aaraam se apne ladaayi khatam karo….main Sakshi se baat karunga…”

Sakshi felt that she was right there among them…..the atmosphere was still the same as it was 2 years back……She felt as if she had been magically transported amidst all of them!

In between her laughs, she shifted lightly in her bed……Arjun tried to help her but she gestured, “main teek hoom Arjun”

He felt that may be she wasn’t talking much freely because of his presence and so he decided to excuse himself for sometime….Anyways, he had to talk to her nurse as well…..

He signaled her to continue talking and he will be back soon…..She nodded and her eyes darted to him as he left the room….

*************************

The phone passed on from Chotu, then to Liza and finally reached Shree…….

Shree: Sakshi, tumhe patha hai ab ETF mein sab masti mazaag karthe hai…..….Rathod sir bhi…..Aisha ke effect hoga shaayad! ..[After a deep pause, he adds] tumaare baatein aur mazaag yaad karke sab hasste bhi hai…..

Sakshi wanted to hear his name specifically, so she voiced out, ”sab?”

Shree became silent…he knew whose name she wanted to confirm…..he replied, “haan sab bas ek ko chodh ke……unne hasaana tumaara kaam tha Sakshi…..kaam adhoora chodhke chali gayi na?? phir kaise hasenge haan??”

Sakshi was silent now….. while Shree continued trying to switch back the topic realizing that it was sensitive for her, “Rathod sir ab dammit bohat kam bolthe hai…[he chuckled]…..pichli baar jab bola tab bohat badaa hungaama hogaya tha…..”

Sakshi enquired curiously, “kyaa?”

Shree: Aisha ek din achaanak office mein behosh hogayi aur tab hi patha chala ke woh pregnant hai….[She knew that they would have been married by now but the baby was a news to her…..she was surprised pleasantly and muttered “wow” excitedly while Shree continued] haan jaise tumne predict kiya tha....ETF ka pehla junior Jr Raesha hi hai Sakshi….unnke love story ki pehli khabar bhi  tumne hi hum sab ko sunaaya tha, yaad hai na??…….investigative journalist jo tehri….koyi tumaare aankhon se kaise bacchtha, huh?

She chuckled thinking about the gossip times they had in office…Sakshi used to adorn the role of a news reporter and voice out tit bits of news from the entire ETF office and team to them………that was one of their major fun activities during their free times or instant coffee breaks!

And after Aisha and Rathod’s chupke chupke romance had started, that was the main topic of discussion always….Even before the couple had confessed their feelings to each other, Sakshi, Shree, Liza and Chotu had begun discussing the names of the couple’s future babies……She couldn’t help smiling at their crazy antics!

Shree: [snapping her out of the memories] ab dammit ka kissa suno…..jab patha chala ke Aisha pregnant hai, tab Rathod sir ne apna trademark dammit bola…..”DAMMIT! yeh kab hua aur mujhe kyun nahi patha chala?” [Shree and Sakshi laughed out….controlling his laughter, Shree added] aur woh bhi hum sab ke saamne……phir poocho matth, Aisha ne seedha office se walk out kar diya aur bechaare Rathod sir peeche peeche….

She laughed imagining the scene……

Her nonstop laughter was the first thing that struck him when he returned back after meeting Annie…..He stood right there at the door with his eyes fixed on her and not wanting to disturb their fun time!

And at that moment, he felt that he could do anything to retain that wholehearted laugh and those genuine smiles forever on her face!

[To be continued]

Chapter 5: Tum dena saath mera o humnawaa

Her nonstop laughter was the first thing that struck him when he returned back after meeting Annie…..He stood right there at the door with his eyes fixed on her and not wanting to disturb their fun time!

And at that moment, he felt that he could do anything to retain that wholehearted laugh and those genuine smiles forever on her face!

*****************************************

Half an hour before, Arjun had met Annie as she had requested…….They walk to an isolated corridor of the 1^st floor of the building……He could see that the lady was preparing herself for what she wanted to tell him…..He remained silent and patiently waited for her to start….

She took in a deep breath and started…”aap ke aur Sakshi ke relationship kya hai, yeh main nahi jaanthi…par itna zaroor jaan gayi hoom ke aap jo bhi hai Sakshi keliye bohat important hai…bohat special hai….”

Arjun looked perplexed at her words…yes he knew that Sakshi had a special place for him in her heart but it wasn’t clear to him about how this lady knew it…….

As if she had read his thoughts, she replied “Sakshi ne aaj tak aap ke baare mein kuch nahi bathaaya…..in fact aap toh jaanthe ho ke woh zyaadha kuch bol nahi paathi……par aaj, itne din baadh, I saw her smiling……aaj pehli baar koyi dikhaava ke bina ek sacchi smile dekh rahi hoom uss chehre pe….usske chehre ka rounak dekh rahi hoom…… apni chehra dekhne keliye mujhse aaina bhi maangi……..yahaan aane ke baadh aisa wish ussne pehli baar kiya hai…..”

Arjun could understand all the emotions and feelings which Sakshi had from Annie’s words…….He was amazed by Annie’s understanding about Sakshi and her deepest feelings…..

He didn’t speak anything but just let Annie speak……she continued, “kya aap jaanthe hai yahaan iss home mein kis tarah ke patients aathe hai aur kyun??”

Arjun enquiringly looked at her while she just continued with her reply to her own question, “jinnka koyi apna nahi hota….aur jinnka teek hone ka koyi umeedh nahi hai……phir se uttne ka chalne ka koyi chances na hai……..yahaan bas zinda rakhne ka aur kuch basic treatment dehte hai….…[she let a fake sarcastic chuckle] gharwaale aise patients ko ek bhoj samajhke yahaan phek dehte hai…..chodh dehte marrne keliye………yahaan se woh kabhi teek hokhe waapas ghar nahi jaathe sir!”

Arjun could feel the pain that the lady brought out in her words…..

Annie: Sakshi ke bhai ko blame nahi karungi…unnke bhi life hai aur pariwaar hai…….par phir bhi Sakshi ke yeh haal mujhse bardaash nahi hota…….mujhe mehsoos hua hai ke usske andhar shaayad ab bhi kahi na kahi phir se jeene ka chal phirne ka ek choti si umeedh baaki hai……par yahaan rehkar uss umeedh ke kiran bhi bhujne laga hai…dheere dheere uss umeedh ko woh khud hi khatam kar rahi hai!

ek maayoosi, ek akelapann, ek behbasi chaah gayi hai usske dimaag mein…….wahi sab usse ek ghere koove ke andhar le jaa raha hai jahaan sirf andhera hai….wahaan koyi umeedh nahi, koyi roshani nahi……[she lets out a deep sigh]…..

I am sorry I am telling you all this without even knowing who you are to Sakshi………par mujhe laga ke aapko yeh sab bathaana chahiye……agar aap uss keliye kuch kar sakthe hai toh…..[she left it incomplete and looked at him and just added] plz…..

Arjun took a few seconds to take in all that and then responded, “I understand……..kya aapke paas Sakshi ka bhai ka number hai?”

Annie turned to his side and replied instantly, “haan….kuch din pehle Sakshi ke diary se milaa tha…..yahaan ke register mein bhi hai!”

Arjun: teek hai….main unn se baat karunga….aur mujhse jo bhi hoga main woh zaroor karunga….

Annie smiled acknowledging it and turned to walk back…..Arjun followed her…..When they were almost near Sakshi’s room and Annie had to turn to the side where her nurses room was, Arjun spoke up, “thanks….[when she looked at him enquiringly] yeh sab mujhe bathaane keliye…..aur jo bhi aap Sakshi keliye kar rahi hai unn sab keliye bhi thanks!”

Annie smiled and replied, “main bass apni duty kar rahi hoom sir aur kuch nahi….have a good day!”

She walked away smiling almost sure that the man she just spoke to was a real gem and that he would do anything and everything possible for her friend, Sakshi!....Yes Sakshi was more of a friend to her now!

 ***************************************

He could hear Sakshi laugh when he neared the room…….her giggles filled the room as he stepped in…..never before he had felt such a pleasant feeling hearing such loud laughs and giggles!

Her giggles, her untimely smiles and loud laughter always irritated him head to toe…..He remembered the time when she had cracked a silly joke and laughed out…..the irony was that she was the only one who laughed at her own joke…the others just grinned seeing her and chuckled alerting her to keep quiet when he had glared to her side…..

That day, he had sternly scolded her for that, “Sakshi……hasi mazaag karke case solve nahi hota….uss keliye dimaag lagaana padtha hai jo shaayad tumaare paas nahi hai!”

He walked away shaking his head in frustration and muttering to himself that it was no use talking to dumbheads like her!

And that had blown her fuse totally….She had called him back and that was the first time somebody called him like that and also talked in that manner…..but she calmed herself and spoke in the most coolest and casual tone…..

”Arjun…..hasi mazaag karke dimaag lagavoge toh case jaldi solve hoga aur yeh jo tumaare gharam gharam dimaag hai na, woh thoda cool rahega….aur baar baar BP jo badhtha hai woh bhi kam hoga….

I mean health improve hoga….Afterall woh kehthe hai na HEALTH IS WEALTH!…[smiling sweetly at him and pausing for a moment, she adds]…tum yeh baat samjhe ya main phir se samjhaavum ACP Arjun Rawte?”

He had glared at her with so much intensity that if eyes could burn then she would have been a handful of ashes that same moment!

Saying that she had given him a cute smile and walked back to Shree and Chotu…..

He thought about her lecture on his hot headedness and the health tips she had bestowed on him and he couldn’t help smiling now…..her guts and attitude to have said that to him was totally unbelievable!

He was amazed or rather amused with himself for having remembering all her crazy talks till this date…

***************************************

His presence in the room….or his smile reached her as well…..She turned to his direction and felt that this smile of his was for her…..she could feel, call it telepathy or some cosmic connection, she suddenly felt that he had remembered something from the past which related to her and that had made him smile now!

His smiling face made her feel good….and the goodness she felt made her smile back at him……..His smiles always had a magical effect on her….it was just that such smiles and the magic were just once in a blue moon…it was a very rare occurrence!

He walked in enquiring “abi tak tum logon ka baat khatam nahi hua, huh??”

She grinned and quickly bid bye to Shree….”Shreee…………bye…..”

Shree had heard his voice, “Arjun sir aagaye, huh? Haan ab humse kaun baat karega??….chalo bye…par yaad rakhna main tumaari phone ka wait karunga Sakshi……ab hum sab se bacch nahi sakthi tum….ok?”

Sakshi faintly muttered a hmm to it and cut the call……Talking to Shree and the rest in the team had surely made her feel happy, made her feel like she was there with them as one among them……but at the same time, it made her realize once again the real state of hers….the pitiful state from where she could never return back to their life……this life was what she was going to live for the rest of her lifetime….This place was where she is going to spend her life forever!

THIS WAS HER LIFE NOW! Call this life? Yes it was a life painful than death! An completely immobile life without a vision, a dream, a life without a life!

Never will she be able to be part of ETF….she could never be one among them now…….Leave alone being with them or seeing them, she didn’t even know if she will ever be able to talk them hereafter…..Once Arjun leaves, she was back to her own lonely world……staring at the fan above and then at the walls around her…

******************

She had no link with the outside world except for Annie’s occasional reading of newspaper to her….

Sakshi used to read till her hand ached or eyes pained…..the rest, Annie used to read it for her….

At times, Annie gave her the pocket radio or the CD player to hear to the news or some good music which always soothed her! But after a point, all of it felt void and she used to lose interest!

Empty pessimistic thoughts used to clog her mind blocking out all good things from her mind and life! She used to feel, “why hear to this?? Whats the point when everything is going to end in between these white walls?”

But there was something else that she did regularly…..and for that she owed to Annie fully!…..

Everyday, before Annie left for home, she used to come to Sakshi’s room to give the night’s medicines….. and she used to write Sakshi’s diary, more like a journal entry for the day……Sakshi used to speak her mind and Annie wrote it down…….

It was something which completed Sakshi’s day though most of the days, it was a mere filling up for the day because nothing new happened……..all days and nights were the same for her……

The four white walls, the pungent medicinal smells, the white bed, the wall opposite to her, a small window beside her bed from where all she could see was a leaf less totally dried up barks of an almost dead tree……she always thought perhaps it symbolized her life! Regular painful screams from the other rooms on the same floor, an occasional doctor visit, her prescriptions, her medicines……nothing more! Nothing new!

These were the only things she could see daily……yes Annie’s talk, her efforts to warm her up…..but Annie hated being praised….so Sakshi couldn’t make her write her own praise every day else that would have filled up the diary by now because for Sakshi, Annie was nothing less of an angel in disguise!!

But today, she had more to write…..Arjun’s visit was the most special to her……..One page or even the entire diary wouldn’t be enough to write her thoughts and feelings today! She was happy…..and also content….she could cherish this day forever! With these memories, she could spend the entire life time!

She snapped out of her thoughts when Arjun walked nearer and pulled up a chair beside her…….

She held out his phone….”aapkiiii……phone [she stopped and just added] thankkks Arjun!”

The name Arjun came out of her mouth the same way it used to come before…..May be it was embossed deep in her mind, heart and soul that no ailment could deter her from that name!

He took the phone from her and enquired, “tumne sabse baat ki, huh?”

Sakshi nodded but then managed to reply…”Sameeerrr aur Aiss…”…..She stopped smiling thinking about Aisha…..Shree had told her that Aisha was on bed rest!

Arjun understood that Shree had mentioned about Aisha’s pregnancy and that was the reason for her smiles….He nodded, “haan…..doctor ne bed rest mein rehne ko kahaa hai! Isiliye office mein nahi hogi!”

Sakshi gestured with her hand on her stomach showing like a bulging belly……Arjun understood and replied, “nahi….…..bas dho mahina hua hoga…..”

Both smiled at each other thinking about Sameer and Aisha’s happiness and the bundle of joy they were going to be blessed with!

He asked her “Main Aisha ya Rathod ke phone lagaake dhoon…baat karogi??? “

She shook her head and whispered, “nahi….thodi….dher baadh.…..shaaam ko…”

She stopped midway realizing that Arjun might not be here till evening…..she just added stuttering, “aaaaap…meri…wishes keh deh….”

He assured her knowing what she wanted to say and the reason as well, “main shaam ko waapas aavunga Sakshi…..tab tum khud Rathod aur Aisha se baat karlena….”

Sakshi smiled and her eyes showed gratitude……she couldn’t thank him in words at that moment…..she couldn’t also believe what he was saying, doing and was going to do for her!

A soothing silence continues….

He voiced out suddenly breaking the silence, “main tumaare bhai se baat karne waala hoom….I will ask him to take you from here Sakshi….tumaare treatment phir se shuru karenge…..dont worry! Tum phir se….”

Sakshi: [spoke up cutting his words short] nahi…..yahaan….aana…….mera…decision tha Arjun…….bhaiya…..pe bhoj….nahi…..banna

She couldn’t get herself to speak more…..she just broke down with tears pouring out uncontrollably….

Her tears melted him completely……he rushed to her side not able to see her in tears……he didn’t bother to take a tissue or kerchief……By impulse, he wiped the tears off her pale face with his fingers……….

He enquired, ”ro kyun rahi ho?”

He didn’t know the real reason for her tears but he could feel every pain and sorrowful thoughts she was going through…May be her family’s memories and her present loneliness made her cry……..

As if to console her, as if to take every single pain off her, as if to feel her sorrowful state for himself, he cupped her face wiping the newly shed tears as well

He cradled her face in his hand and brought her closer to himself to pass on a warmth of relief to her, he voiced gently, consolingly, “tum akele nahi ho Sakshi……hum sab hai……[he didn’t know why he said that or did that…he didn’t know if it was only for consoling her or was it really from his heart!.....but he added without any second thoughts] main hoon tumaare saat!”

It was more than what she could handle now……it seemed like she got so much happiness all of a sudden in those few moments…..her eyes flooded up all over again….

Jab koi baat bigad jaaye jab koi mushkil padh jaaye

Tum dena saath mera o humnawaa

Jab koi baat bigad jaaye jab koi mushkil padh jaaye

Tum dena saath mera o humnawaa

Na koi hai na koi tha zindage mein tumhaare siva

Tum dena saath mera o humnawaa

Tum dena saath mera o humnawaa

[To be continued]